lindsey.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve been watching too much British television (Downton Abbey, anyone?) but I really enjoy the phrase “happy accident”.  It conjures up some sort of delightful thing that happened by chance, something that you weren’t expecting, and that perhaps could have been seen as a problem.  Today, for instance, I had one of those moments while trying to use up lots of leftover bits and pieces in my fridge and turn them into something edible.  i wound up with the most wonderful apple cake (just for fun, I’ll put the recipe below so maybe you can also enjoy it - if I can make this cake in Vietnam, certainly those of you with less “outdoor” kitchens can make it, too!)

Sometimes life feels like this.  I sometimes wonder how I got to where I am, and it all feels like one sort of wonderful accident.  I don’t mean to say that the Lord isn’t sovereign over all things.  Actually, I think realizing that life has all sorts of wonderful things in it that I could not have possibly designed on my own makes me all the more aware of His hand in it all.   I am sometimes amazed at the way He provides in such specific ways, and sometimes gives us things we didn’t even know we needed.  He truly does know how to give good gifts to His children!

Apple Yogurt Cake with a Cinnamon-Sugar Streak

(adapted from www.thekitchn.com) 

1 3/4 cup plain yogurt
2/3 cup oil/melted butter
1 cup sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
3-4 apples
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
Pinch freshly ground nutmeg

2 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon, divided 

1/2 cup brown sugar

 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

Heat the oven to 350°F. Lightly grease a 9x13-inch baking pan with baking spray or olive oil.

Whisk together the yogurt, oil, sugar, eggs, and vanilla in a large bowl. Peel and core the apples, and chop into chunks about 1/2-inch across. You should end up with 3 1/2 to 4 cups of apples. Stir the chopped apple into the liquid ingredients.

Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg, and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon right into the liquids and stir just until no lumps remain. In a small separate bowl, mix the remaining 2 teaspoons cinnamon with the brown sugar and butter.

Pour half of the batter into the cake pan. Sprinkle the batter with half of the cinnamon-brown sugar mixture, dropping it on the batter in small lumps. Spread the rest of the batter over top, and sprinkle with the remaining cinnamon-brown sugar.

Bake for 45 to 55 minutes, covering with foil at the end if the top is browning. When a tester comes out clean, transfer the cake to a cooling rack and let it cool for at least 15 minutes before cutting. 

as a product of my culture, especially of my own country’s education system, i have heard this line too many times to count.  as we grow up and begin to “discover who we are”, this is what we are told - you can be anything you set your mind to, you can do anything if you try hard enough.

this is a lie.  a big, fat, ridiculous lie.

we were all created to do something fantastic.  each human being born was designed with specific gifts and talents.  this lie that we can be whoever we want to be doesn’t create a lot of hard-working talented people, but a lot of over-worked, mediocre people.  we spend so much time trying to do things we were never meant to do, feeling disappointed that we can’t be better at something, all the while stifling and squashing the things we are actually good at.  we don’t celebrate who we are because we are too busy trying to be someone we aren’t.  i think this is why we have so many lost 20-somethings.  so many people who are almost 30 yet still don’t know what they want to do, because they realized that what they pursued for years isn’t what they are actually good at. 

i’ll give you an example.  i wish that i was an excellent photographer. i have tried really hard to be good at taking pictures.  for years. and i’d always feel so disappointed. i’ve come to the realization lately that i am not a good photographer.  there’s nothing wrong with me.  i’m not a failure because i can’t take good pictures.  its simply not something i was designed to do.  there are plenty of other things i’m good at: cooking, crocheting, singing.  those are the things that i want to celebrate, instead of bemoaning the fact that i can’t take good pictures.

don’t be whatever you want to be.  be who you are.  

Tonight is Christmas Eve.  The streets are packed tonight with Santa’s.  Numerous vendors are selling giant balloons shaped like Kris Kringle.  As my students told me, Santa in Vietnam is very thin and rides a bike (obviously.  why would he need a sleigh here?), so the streets also contain many men riding around in red suits and fake beards.  It is also one of the busiest nights of the year, not because people are going to church, but because Christmas Eve is a very romantic holiday. 

You’d think in my second year, it wouldn’t be so strange to celebrate in Vietnam, but there is always something that sticks out, because I am in such a minority here.  The traditions we hold, the things we do…being here makes you think of things differently.  This year, for the first time ever, I have been celebrating Advent, doing a study with my team that has been so poignant and good for my soul.  I went to a Christmas Eve candlelight service.  I sang lots of wonderful Christmas carols. I made LOTS of ginger cookies, and I am making new traditions, like Christmas brunch.  In this context, each year brings something new, and things we “always do” change, or we don’t do them at all.  It makes it difficult to celebrate the cultural part of Christmas.  The only thing that doesn’t change between America and Vietnam is the Incarnation, and that is what I must cling to. 

Truly He taught us to love one another, 
His law is love and His gospel is peace. 
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. 
And in his name all oppression shall cease. 

man, life has been full the past month.  we celebrated halloween with our english club, visited a team about 50 miles north of hanoi (in a city called thai nguyen), and then i went to beijing for a weekend with other team leaders from china.  it has been so full, but so good.  for me, it was particularly refreshing to be with good friends.  i also was able to go to ikea and starbucks.  it was almost as good as being in america :)  this week was also teacher’s day, so we were forced politely asked to be in a singing competition.  my two teammates don’t particularly enjoy singing, but they were good team players.  despite the fact that it was, in my opinion, pretty terrible, we won 500,000d - about $25!  We treated ourselves to a nice mexican meal with our prize money, laughing that we would win a prize for our performance.  Vietnam is always full of surprises!

this upcoming thursday is thanksgiving (as I’m sure you all know).  We had planned to have thanksgiving with our language tutor, huyen.  she accepted our invitation, but was told that she has a business trip this thursday!  however, she mentioned how excited she was to eat a traditional american meal, so we offered to move the meal to the following thursday, which made her so happy.  i am so thankful for this opportunity - while thanksgiving is full of traditions for Americans, it is also rooted in expressing gratitude.  I look forward to being able to share about the Father’s blessings as we enjoy our meal together.  this is something we have really been asking for as a team, and it is a sweet reminder that he hears our hearts cries, and he loves these people!

Below are some pictures from the past few weeks - enjoy!

3 years ago, in California, I was shopping with a Vietnamese girl that I had been mentoring.  I bought these fantastic earrings - big silver leaves, held together to make a diamond shape.  I loved them.  Despite the fact that they were huge and quite bold, I wore them almost every day.  They would break, and I would attempt to fix them.  Before I left for Vietnam, they finally met their demise.  When I arrived in Hanoi, I was determined to find a suitable replacement, but couldn’t find anything.   A few months later, when I was in Beijing, I found the exact pair on sale at a little boutique.  Of course, they were cheap and broke numerous times.  They lasted me until I got back to the states last summer, and they, too, met their demise. I hunted to see if I could find them again, going to every store I knew.  A few weeks before I left, I finally found them!!    I bought them for a third time, happy as a clam to have my favorite earrings again.  

Yesterday I wore them.  I was having a particularly sad day - feeling really lonely and homesick.  I walked over to my city teammate’s house, and the wind was blowing really hard.  When I arrived to her apartment, I discovered that one of my earrings had fallen off.  I was pretty bummed, but didn’t let it get me too down.  In the evening, I was walking back from her house with my teammate.  I was sharing that I was just feeling really lonely, waiting for the Father to show me why He had me in this wilderness season.  As soon as I said that, I looked down, and there, ON THE STREET, was my lost earring!  It was still intact, but clearly it had been run over by a motorbike or five.  I bent it back into shape, and when I got home re-attached it to the earring hook.  

As I started to relfect on that small event, I remembered a message I listened to from Matt Chandler last week.  When we pour out our hearts to Him, not only does He hear, He also responds.  He used a lost earring to remind me that He is not unaware of my lonliness, nor my desert season, and He will always provide what I need, no matter how small.  I am glad to have my favorite earrings back, of course, but I am thankful to have lost them, even momentarily, so that I could be reminded of the character of my Father. 

today marks the end of my 7th week being back in asia.  the past 7 weeks have been pretty awesome.  since returning to hanoi 3 weeks ago, i have kept really busy, settled in to life back at LMX, getting my team acquainted with the city, etc.  As I returned for a second year, I had lots of expectations - that it would be easier, that i would understand culture better, that things wouldn’t be so stressful, and that eventually my room would come together (despite all of my belongings being scattered).  i also expected not to miss people so much; i’ve had practice already of leaving people behind, so i figured its just something that will be easier with time.  

i’ve had moments in the past seven weeks that i’ve missed people, but life has been so busy that i haven’t had time to miss anyone.  now things are slowing down…and man, do i miss you…so many of you.  today that familiar ache is in my heart. caught me off gaurd.  its not a bad ache.  in fact, it is a gift to have so many people to miss!  the ache in my heart reminds me that i gave something up to come here.  its an uncomfortable sort of pain that calls me to remember the students and teachers here that need the Father.  and i am reminded that the people i left behind are also part of his work here - so many of you are going before His throne on behalf of broken lives in Hanoi.  i feel so overwhelmed with thankfulness for the people He has placed in my life.  we are all a part of His family, and that is one of the greatest blessings we have been given.  

Well,  I have been in Beijing for just under three weeks now, and in one week I will be back in Hanoi.  I can’t believe how fast this time has gone.  I have loved, loved, LOVED being in Beijing.  It has been such a blessing to do training all together, to get to know all the other team leaders, and to hang out in Beijing, which is a super fun city :)  My team is SO great.  I love each of them so much already, and I can’t wait to see how this year turns out.  I know that I will learn a lot, and so will they, and I’m so excited to see what He does in us, AND through us!

The other day, as I was suddenly thrust back in to navigating life in Vietnam (yes, before I’m actually there), all the emotions and difficulties of last year came flooding back.  There was a real bitter-sweetness (and sometimes only bitterness) when I thought about returning back to Hanoi.  During our devo time, we’ve been learning about spr. disciplines, one being meditating on the Word.  As I was practicing this, the words “faithfulness in abundance” came to my heart.  This is my prayer for this next year - that I would see His faithfulness, and not just that it exists, but the abundance of it in my life, particularly in a place that feels like a desert to me.  I am asking that He would show me areas where my eyes are not opened to this, and that I would know the immeasurable amount of His love and faithfulness towards me.  As the reality of this truth grows in my heart, I look forward to the things He will reveal, and the change and growth that will happen, not just in me, but in my teammates, and in our campus.  Amen!

Sometimes, I think I am the WRONG person to call to Asia.  I found out yesterday that my visa for China wasn’t completed, and that I would need to change my flight.  Also my visa for Vietnam was never processed.  The new ticket is with an airline that charges $70 to check 2 bags, AND I’m already struggling with how to make them both 50 pounds, as opposed to the 70 pounds I was used to previously.  You might be thinking to yourself, “Yeah, that does sound stressful”.    

All these things lead to SUPER STRESS for me.  I keep trying to tell myself that its useless to stress over something I can’t control.  But my whole body is tense.  I can’t sleep because my mind is racing.  I feel ill.  I feel overwhelmed, and can’t think about anything else.

That’s exactly why I am the right person to call to Asia.  Even before I started to write this, I knew that the Father wanted to use this situation, like so many others, to teach me about myself and about Him.  I am so controlling and get overwhelmed and anxious when a situation is beyond my reach.  Every day is a struggle for me to have the courage to ask for His help to trust, to not be anxious, and to be thankful.  This is what I want.  I don’t want to be consumed by anxiety and overwhelmed by circumstances.  I want to be consumed by His lavish love and overwhelmed with the reality of His grace, patience, and kindness.  

As I prepare to leave in a few days, please join me in asking that He would transform my heart to trust in His perfect plan in every moment and situation.