lindsey.

Most of you who know me are aware that there are a few things that make me get quite squeamish. One of those things is the idea of something crawling on me while I’m sleeping.  It makes my stomach turn and my skin crawl.  Its actually something that I fear in a huge way.  

Two nights ago, I went to get in bed, and noticed there were these little dead bugs all over my bed.  I was really grossed out, but hey, they were dead.  I figured the air conditioner had just brought them in from outside.  So, I brushed them all off and went to sleep, really because I asked the Father to help me fall asleep.  I woke up the next morning with more dead bugs next to my pillow.  Naturally, I was slightly upset.  I got in the shower (or, I stood in the middle of my bathroom…ahhh the beauty of the shoilet) and just reminded myself that He’s worth it, that the teachers and students at this school who need Him are worth this momentary discomfort.  I asked the Father to keep reminding me of this.  Other than the dead ones, I saw no sign of the bugs.  So, I figured it was just a fluke.

Yesterday afternoon, I went to “furniture street”.  It is a street full of vendors selling furniture of all kinds.  Some sell beds, some sell bookcases, some sell dressers.  It is also known by another teacher here as “crazy street”.  It is a small side street (barely two cars wide) that links two larger streets, and is constantly congested with mostly motorbikes, but the occasional car and city bus.  It was not hot, but it was humid.  The 2 hours I spent searching/haggling for bookshelves and kitchen storage exhausted me.  I commented to my friend that nothing was easy here.  In America (or even China!) its not that hard to get a good quality bookshelf for a fair price.  In Vietnam, nothing is that simple.  I also shared with her that, as of yet, I haven’t had a major breakdown.  I’ve just taken things in stride.  I think I’ve only cried 4 times in the 7 weeks I’ve been here (again, for those who know me…this is a miracle).  I said that maybe I haven’t had time to process the difficulty of life here…the pace hasn’t allowed it, really.  So, I went home, had my items delivered and started organizing all my things.

When it got dark, I turned on the lights in my guest room, still working to unpack things (and maybe watching an episode of dexter…).  I would occasionally see a bug on my arm, and they looked like the ones from the night before.  But, it was just one or two.  NBD, I thought.  I smacked  them away, continued working.  Then I started to walk over to my bed, and saw that my bed was COVERED in bugs.  They looked dead again, but then I saw some moving.  I thought they were only on my bed, but then I looked up and they were all over the wall and ceiling.  I thought maybe they were just around my bed area, and then saw that my entire apartment had these bugs - all the curtains, all the walls, all over the entire ceiling.  I went upstairs to my teammates room, pillow in hand, and just started sobbing.  All the stress and strain of the past 7 weeks came to the surface.  I mean, I cried HARD.  I felt silly, but then I realized it wasn’t about the bugs.  It was everything - being afraid to go to sleep, living alone for the first time in my life, not being able to communicate, not eating enough, not sleeping enough, and generally feeling completely inept in this culture.  I talked to the Father, and asked Him to help me.  I actually fell asleep without fear in her room last night.  

I am thankful for these bugs, because they allowed me the chance to cry.  They reminded me that I’m here not for adventure, but because of His calling, and because of His love for Vietnam.  Please continue to think for me during the start of this new season!