lindsey.

the question has been posed, “what are your plans for next year?”

when they asked me to commit for 2 years, i said no.  i didn’t know why.  i still don’t.  i felt sure this was what the father wanted me to do.  yet, in my mind, i always assumed it would be longer.  the past 2 months, while they have been filled with challenges, have been wonderful.  i love life in vietnam.  i love the privilege of doing what i do every day; of getting to know students, of spending time with teachers, of watching relationships develop.  i feel humbled and excited, and thoughts of longing for home are there, but not a constant ache, the way i felt in china.  i love drinking tra sua, and buying pre-sweetened milk, and trying to figure out what exactly these strange fruits and vegetables are, and trying to find one suitable to make a cobbler out of (i can still pretend its fall!).  i love bargaining with fabric vendors, always giving a smile to them and laughing softly as i ask for a price half of what they said.  i love my team, and the way they have all caused me to pursue the Father more; i love seeing the growth in them, and watching them fall more deeply in love with Him.  every part of my life here is a joy and a privilege.

i’ve been setting up a life for myself here.  i bought an oven, and a rat-proof food cabinet.  i’ve sewn curtains (er, had curtains sewn).  for the first time in quite a few years, i feel a consistent love of life.  now, this may not be directly related to vietnam, but i can’t help but think that this place, and these people, have something to do with it.

then last week, i find out that the program that i am currently working for is, as of today, not happening next year.  

i feel confused.  the reality is, i’m not fully funded yet.  my one stipulation for not returning is not being funded.  i don’t want to put the burden of having a huge deficit on my sending organization, and also it distracts me from my purpose here when i have to worry about money.  so, im still trusting the Father for this year, and trust that if he wants me back again, he’ll bring in the funding.  i could do a number of things, if the support is there.  i could study vietnamese for a year.  i could just be a teacher with the long-term program.  

or, i could come home.

honestly, thats not ever been something i’ve considered.  it would be the most surprising thing to me.  my sister said to me today, “you were made for asia”, and while i think that is not entirely accurate, the country director’s wife said that to me the first day she met me (b/c i was immensely enjoying a taro-flavored bubble tea. deeeelicious).  but what if the Father has only called me here for one year?  that thought is slightly devastating.  because i feel like i’m thriving here.  and its been years since i felt that way.  i know the Father has good plans, and if he only has me here for this short time, there is a reason. i also know I can trust Him.

i know you might think i’m slightly crazy for thinking about this now.  its not because i want to, but kind of because i have to.  if i’m staying, i need to focus on having more people on my team (could it be you, anonymous internet reader? wink).  please be thinking for me regarding this, and that the Father will make His desire clear to both myself, the leadership team here, and the leadership in N. America.